Caption contest

Written By: notices and features - Date published: - 74 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour, Simon Bridges, The Standard

Keep it seemly …

74 comments on “Caption contest”

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    2. 7.2

      Look like he stole Rob Muldoon’s shirt 1/2 pint and beersies
      Maybe he’s going to call a snap leadership vote.

  8. 8

    “See Nu Zullind I’m a real man, real men drink beer, drink it straight from the bottle (they wouldn’t let me) and we wear black singlets (they said I couldn’t), and we never let others tell us what we can or can’t do (yes Judith, right away).”

  9. 9

    Warren being Trumped by a right winger. My bottles bigger. So biggly he needed a glass.

    Simon needs a drink before doing attempting the breakfast club dance.

    If I was doing this for real I would have filled my glass.

    1. 9.1

      “If I was doing this for real I would have filled my glass.”

      Weirdly, it looks like there is more beer in the handle than there is gone from the bottle. It’s almost like it’s totally staged.

        1. 9.1.1.1

          Cheers, ms. I did a bit of a search and here are my findings.

          It’s a 500 ml bottle, with over two thirds left. Most handles are between 440 and 560 ml. Simon’s one looks to be a larger one and it appears to be at least half full.

          So either it’s fakeity fake fake fake or Simon is an alcoholic who cannot wait to finish his current drink before cracking open the next bottle.

          Now, I cannot say for sure that the leader of the National Party is a drink sodden dipso, but I do think we should be told.

                  2. 9.1.1.1.2.1.1.1.2

                    Snap!

                    I was about to post that link as well. Pleased to see I was not the only ‘tragic’ who just had to track down the actual beer he was drinking.

                    Here is another Herald one in Oct 2017 with link to an audio of the interview explaining that:

                    “Last year (2016) The Country got together with Emerson’s brewery and came up with a delightful brew called The Mackaiser. The run was so popular that we’re doing it all again this year!

                    Jamie Mackay caught up with Emerson’s Head Brewer Jim Falconer and Sales and Marketing Manager Greg Menzies for an update on Season Two of The Mackaiser which is going to be bigger and bolder…you have been warned.

                    Sign up for The Country’s online newsletter and go in the draw to win an Emerson’s gift pack here.”

                    https://www.nzherald.co.nz/the-country/news/article.cfm?c_id=16&objectid=11931775

                    Seems that this brew is not widely available and is brewed for Jamie Mackay/The Country, so:

                    1. Was the beer a gift to Simon Bridges from Jamie Mackay and “The Country” (Newstalk ZB weekdays 12pm – 1pm )?

                    2. If so, will Bridges declare the gift in his 2019 Declaration of Pecunary Interests required under Parliamentary Standing Orders, under s.12 of the form requiring gifts and donations to be declared?

                    3. Will the contents of his form be leaked before the full 2019 Register of Pecunary Interests is made public mid-2019?

                    These and more questions remain to be answered in the turbulent months ahead …

          3. 9.1.1.1.3

            Maybe it’s all a trick of camera lens, angle and perspective, like that pic of Key and Whitelock. Could be it’s really a smaller handle shoved close to the camera to make it look bigger, and the bottle is tucked in close to his left moob away from the camera so it looks smaller.

            On the other hand, the one time I saw Key in person I was surprised at what a runt he was, so maybe not.

      4. 9.1.4

        I’ll do the maths.

        The bottle.
        It looks like the cone of the bottle is about 1/3 of its height. A cone has 1/3 of the volume of a cylinder of the same height. So the cone is 1 part (what’s used) and there’s 2 more equal height cylinders giving a total 7 parts of volume for the bottle. 500ml / 7 parts equals 71.4 ml.
        So it looks like 71.4 ml is missing from the bottle.

        The glass.
        You can guess the original filling height by the foam ring of the glass. The glass is more of a cylinder than the cone shaped volume used in the bottle. So by height it has 3 times the volume (it changes Diameter so say its 2 times). The glass is at least, further from the camera. So the glass is at least (looks bigger) the same diameter of the bottle. The depth filled in or height in the glass looks the same as removed from the bottle.
        So it looks like the glass has a minimum of 2 volumes of beer, or 142.8 ml.

        Faked picture.

          1. 9.1.4.1.1

            I admire the ability to do such maths personally. it’s a useful skill. As a farm worker, the shepherds would enlist my help in calculating the amount of chemical to go into an irregularly shaped sheep dip at a certain concentration.
            Things earlier must have been haphazard and possibly ineffective, or overly expensive.

            That was in the days before craft beer when Macs came onto the market and changed New Zealand. “You mean we can have a beer that actually tastes good at a reasonable price rather than commercial preparations made by industrial continuous fermentation processes, the most worthwhile product of which was the waste yeast that was made into Marmite?”

            Maybe with this Labour government the same change can happen. “You mean we can have a government that actually works for the good of all providng reasonable services rather than a commercially-oriented kleptocracy the most worthwhile product of which was to run an ultimately futile exercise in flag changing?”

  20. 20

    “Its not that I fear the Kiwi house Build, but I do keep count with each little house representing 100 the other lot have built. The little houses stretch right round the windowsill damn it. Get me another crate Honey.”

  22. 22

    Seeing that photo of SB has driven me to drink @ 10:54 Darwin time. Damm you SB, now where’s my Darwin Stubbie 😂.

  24. 24

    Simple Simon met a pieman
    Going to the fair;
    Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
    “Let me taste your beer.”

    Says the pieman to Simple Simon,
    “Show me first your electoral mandate.”
    Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
    “Indeed, I have no friends.”

    1. 24.1

      Great Ropata. But how sad. Poor old Simple Simon. But wait. Simon, Cuddly Judy will snuggle up to you with great sincerity. She really really believes in you. She does. She does.

    2. 24.2

      Simple Simon met a pieman
      Going to the fair;
      Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
      “what have you there.”

      PIES CUNT………………

  27. 27

    Not a good look drinking on your own Simon … oh yes that’s right, you have no friends do you?

    Poor poor Simon what you gonna do
    Things are lookin’ bad so
    What you gonna do …

    ( … Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat … with a relevant name change)

    1. 28.1

      How very national, rather than an actual kiwi craft brewer he chooses the product of a foreign owned brewer.

      It’s as if he’s being setup by his own PR folk as that’s an ‘epic’ fail.

    1. 31.1

      Shouldn’t work on a Sunday anyway- day of rest and all that- and especially on a hot Sunday…..

      Though, smilin, you accurately point to the hidden message behind much of National’s messaging which goes “We deserve it because we are hard working; you are part of us so you deserve a beer, too. ‘They’, on the other hand who are poor, bludgers, beneficiaries, the ‘others’ from a different tribe, the unemployed, they don’t deserve a beer, or tax cuts, or salaries over a hundred times the minimum wage, two lane highways to ‘our’ holiday destinations or knighthoods.”

      “Hard working Kiwis” is a modern version of ‘right-thinking people’ and ‘ordinary, decent New Zealanders” and is a justification for entitlement, prejudice and self-fulfilling puffery. It is a secular form of the religious belief that excuses the rich and justifies their hoarding of worldly goods saying that this wealth is a sign that the Almighty has blessed us because we are indeed righteous, and the poor must therefore be sinners and condemned.

      Hallelujah!

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