Caption contest

Written By: notices and features - Date published: - 116 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour

Michael Woodhouse pihaKeep it seemly …

 

 

116 comments on “Caption contest”

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    1. 14.1

      speaking to reporters woody extolled the export-possibilities of this ‘exciting’ new initiative..

      ..saying it will become de riguer for all politicians/captains-of-industry to have one..

      ..woody says that on a calm day..he pops over to waiheke on his..

      ..or he cruises the beaches of auckland..

      ..and can give speeches to both passing-craft..and beachgoers..

      ..’you can always feel secure’..said woody..’your genitals are always covered/protected..

      ..no more standing there feeling vulnerable/exposed/naked as you preach to the peasants..

      ..you just grab the no-slip grips on the poly-lectern..knowing yr family-jewels are protected on three sides’..

  17. 17

    At last St Woody, inspired by desperation, went down to the sea-shore, where the river runs into the sea, and having placed himself on a bank between the river and the sea, he began to speak to the fishes as if Woger had sent him to preach to them, and said: “Listen to the word of Woger, O ye fishes of the sea and of the river, and you rancid cetaceans, seeing that honest people and hard working people refuse to do so.”

  20. 20

    We shall go on to the end. We shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength on the air, we shall sell our islands, whatever the cost may be. We shall sell them on the beaches, we shall sell them on the landing grounds, we shall sell them in the fields and in the streets, we shall sell them in the hills; we shall surrender everything. For money.

  22. 22

    “There’s a woman down the end with a couple of kids and a bucket. Perhaps she wants to listen to me talk about how our new employment laws will help workers enjoy their lives ?”

  24. 24

    “Ladies and gentlemen, in this lot we have the foreshore and seabed going for steal. Shall we commence the bidding! “

  25. 25

    “Anyone makes a joke about John Key and a whale stranding and I’m off”

    or (for the westie surfers): keyhole obscured by arsehole.

  26. 26

    Galoot succeeds. The waves retreat under the crushing weight of his rhetoric!
    “All the inhabitants of the world should know that the power of kings is vain and trivial, and that none is worthy the name of king but He whose command the heaven, earth and sea obey by eternal laws”

  27. 27

    As we await this fleet of China!s ships,we can say we welcome them,we are now approaching a new venture in our lands development,reaching out to a culture like ours, innovative,and not afraid to take risks.We look forward to doing business with this dynamic culture.

    Who has the contract to make the gumboots,whats his name,Sushi,Sushi,no its HOE.

  29. 29

    Nationals latest campaign to prove that they are in touch with ‘real New Zealanders’.
    Michael Woodhouse says ” I like to go down and spend the day at the beach just like everybody else”.

  32. 32

    And now for the next asset sale, new zealands forshore.
    what do hear for an opening bid, who will start off with a bid of 5 billion?

  35. 35

    I always practice my speeches on the beach. No hecklers. And I write my promises out on the sand – transparent for all to see. There they are in black and white, or rather light brown, or even in fifty shades of grey heh heh my little joke, and anyone can come and look at them before the tide comes in. But then though they are hidden from the public, they lie in my heart.

  37. 37

    Cops to target all lecterns this summer.

    Police say there will be a no lectern tolerance level this summer. However, the evaluation couldn’t confirm the statistical significance of a lectern decreases because of the small numbers involved.

  47. 47

    Michael’s press conference didn’t go as planned once the media recieved a text that one of ‘The Block’ contestants was spotted in Pak’N’Save.

  52. 52

    Of course I can order everyone out of the water and off the beach for a couple of hoiurs, for a photo-op …. don;t you know I am?

    (no)

  53. 53

    There was Woody giving an otherwise dull speech to the House – when suddenly the PM’s Infinite Improbability Generator kicked in.

  54. 54

    As he drifted into the afterlife, Dobby imagined he was giving a speech on the desolate beach that would be his ending…

  55. 55

    In order for the announcement of this new law to be legally binding it must be made on sovereign New Zealand owned soil. We are told due to a small error on a land sales document that this small section we have placed this stage on is the last piece of it left in New Zealand.

      1. 71.1.1

        ” The government has signed a contract with the Hyundai ship building yard in Ulsan, South Korea to have them built. The vessels will be delivered in the first quarter of the new year.
        Two will be docked and utilized from Port Taranaki while the third and fourth will be shared between the East Coast of the North Is and the maritime jurisdictions of the Canterbury and Deep South basin’s.”

  92. 92

    Ok, the bidding is currently at $10 dollars for complete drilling rights…….any other offers……going goingggggggggg.

  96. 96

    The prime minister pledged a new police vessel before the end of the year and despite a funding shortfall I am proud to launch this raft today.

  98. 98

    Government unveils plans to save manufacturing and rescue the economy – Ladies and Gentlmen, introducing the wooden segway.

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