You paid to get Try-hard John on the telly

Written By: Zetetic - Date published: - 165 comments
Categories: Minister for Overseas Holidays, tourism - Tags:

Remember John Key’s awful Letterman appearance?  Supposedly worth a fortune in tourism. We know that was complete crap. It was a stunt meant to impress us saps. Now we learn that we paid for it. PM’s office pleaded for months to get on Letterman. Try-hard even sent a demo tape. When that didn’t work, they paid a US PR agency $10K to seal the deal.

In 1939, our PM was the first in the world to declare war on Germany. In 1945, our PM led the stand against giving the veto to the great powers in the UN. In 1973, our PM sent frigates into the Mururoa test zone to block nuclear blasts. In 1985, our PM led the world anti-nuclear movement. Previous PMs have gone on to lead the WTO and UNDP. This PM has beg and send a demo tape and pay our money to get on TV to ham-fistedly deliver some rubbish jokes. Really does something for our place in the world.

165 comments on “You paid to get Try-hard John on the telly”

Comment numbers have changed to permanent references. Older quoted numbers may no longer identify the same comment.

  3. 3

    TVNZ Site:

    Key said it was money well spent.

    “As Minister of Tourism, it was a good thing to do. In my view, it promoted New Zealand.”

    —

    Then why lie about it for so long?

  4. 4

    Letterman is a real celebrity with global reach. He would’ve known the first second that Key was a blowhard dime a dozen wannabe. A real “John” willing to fork over $10K of someone else’s money for a bit of personal pleasure.

    Embarrassed for NZ.

  5. 5

    Shonkey’s “pay for view” Letterman talkshow spot certainly didn’t rank with the Lange Oxford debate or virtually any other public appearance ever by a New Zealand Prime Minister.

    Ditto other posters: em-effing-barrassment.

  8. 8

    Gee, we paid $200M over the odds for Toll, $10K pales into in-siginificance.

    [“Book value’ and ‘market value’ are almost never the same thing. Especially not in an inefficient ‘market’ as small as this one was, with only one possible seller and one possible buyer. If I see you running this particular idiotic, threadjacking troll line again it will earn a ban…RL]

    1. 8.1

      And its sad that Key’s office spends time on vital issues like ‘how to get John Key on Letterman’

        1. 8.1.2.1

          “Thats the trouble with the left, they know the cost of everything, but the value of nothing.”
          And I’ve been deluded all these years thinking that was the defining trait of the Right.

    3. 8.3

      It cost more for one lane of the holiday highway for one of the most important pieces of infrastructure this country has from Kaitia to Bluff, including the cook strait ferries, public transport in Auckland and Wellington.John Banks fogged it off to the yanks for nothing they asset stripped it along with Gibbs and Fay Ritchwhite for over $1billion . Peter Brains you Just show how naive National and you are about the value of infrastructure its palpable.The TORIES in england have realized that motorways are to expensive and are now only building commuter trains because they are 3 times cheaper to build than motorways and carry 18 times more people than cars ,not only that they are cheaper on fuel as well. National is further behind than its own Tory mentors Dumb and Dumber!

  9. 9

    Tourism NZ also lobbied the Letterman show for at least six months ahead of Key’s appearance.

    After getting nowhere, it employed international public relations consultants Hill and Knowlton two months before the September appearance, and Key put together an audition tape.

    “There was a sort of joke tape if you like that was done in my office,” Key said

    I know I’ve said this before, but ffs he’s just David Brent.

    1. 9.1

      “There was a sort of joke tape if you like that was done in my office,” Key said

      Dox plz.

  10. 10

    What a gooober I feel so sorry for his kids, poor bastards. Its bad enough having to put up with Dad jokes but when your father gets the country to pay for his jokes on Letterman oh the shame.

    1. 10.1

      They weren’t even his jokes but now he’s the joke. is this his paintagate . read my lips no new jokes Accountability ha. hippocriter.

  11. 11

    as a committed dave fan I can say that dave was not very interested in john.
    actually I like felicia best and sid plays one mean guitar.

  12. 12

    ” There was no money paid to Letterman” is how they spin it ?
    Not even bothering to distract us with
    ‘it was used for aligning business protocols between the NZ Tourism Agency and the Publicist for the American Market’

    Unfrikkinbelievable.

    1. 13.1

      true. Was thinking about who made the declaration while writing. Savage signed it from his hospital bed. Fraser delivered the famous “where she goes, we go” in Parliament on his behalf. Savage died in 1940.

      1. 13.1.1

        Not much honor in sending 10% of our fine young men off to die in a war, only to have that “she” dump us for the EEC 20 years later.
        I know you’re trying to make every Labour PM in history a hero, but I see no heroism here. Jingoism and bloodlust perhaps. Turn you on does it Zet?

        1. 13.1.1.1

          No. I’m not going to argue with you about the rights and wrongs of fighting Nazism. You’re just trying to distract. And if you try to make a conversation of it here, you’ll be moved to open mike.

      2. 13.1.2

        Oh and while I’m at it, how does helen’s decisions to send our boys to those awful wars of modern imperialism in Iraq and Afghanistan? Oh so noble those Labour PMs all. Heroes really.

      3. 13.1.3

        I think its interesting how The Baron talks about being dumped from a commercial and trading arrangement as being relevant to why NZ fought in WWII against the German war machine.

        It’s not of course. The very lives and freedoms of the British people were under heavy threat at that time.

        As for Afghanistan The Baron relitigates the past, while in the present John Key sucks up to NATO generals and promises an unending warfighting arrangement where NZ SAS hunt and kill “the enemy”. (And now that Osama is dead why has National kept us there? As a favour?)

  14. 14

    There was another National PM who so offended other countries that they boycotted the Olympics because NZ was there.

  15. 15

    Hey David, if you want you can borrow my holiday home in Hawaii….
    Caused a major row in our house – the wife thought it was $10K well spent. Pointed out the denials were part of the issue.

    1. 16.1

      We don’t have a PM.

      We have a “New Zealand’s Got Talent” contestant.

      This is what he has his department working on. This is what he has his department spend money on. Simply put, the arrogant prick thinks this kind of shit is his actual job.

      (Oh and then there’s the lying. It’s always the lie that gets you)

    3. 16.3

      If you’re proud that your PM begged and whined and hired an agent and sent a goddam demo tape to get to tell four minutes of crappy jokes on a late night TV show, then good for you.

      1. 16.3.1

        Hmm, according to the story, it was Tourism NZ that did the begging. After all, it’s their job to promote NZ. I have to agree with Max, this hardly amounts to the proverbial storm in a tea cup.

                  1. 16.3.1.1.1.1.1.1.1

                    bahahaha a “your Mum” joke, that is hilarious.

                    your comprehension skills are somewhat lacking though.. let me help you here…

                    “it employed international public relations consultants Hill and Knowlton two months before the September appearance” would agree with your position… your comment seems to suggest that they are no longer on retainer, yet we are told in the same story that “…Tourism New Zealand have a PR company. They’re on a retainer. They pay them every month…”

                    3. 16.3.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.3

                      Are they the same PR company? Or were H&K a different company?

                      And given that no one seems to know exactly how much was spent…how did they know $10,000 was spent?

                      Why are the figures so obscure?

                      It would actually be very interesting to know how many **hours** the PR company spent working on the PM’s behalf. (That will be on their invoice )

                    4. 16.3.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.4

                      Ok I looked, and no-one says that except John Key. You could have told me that, law. Why so shy?

                      Looks like the company was “retained” specifically to get Key on the show. Whether they were kept on afterward is irrelevant IMO.

                      As CV says, it’ll all come out in the docs.

                      ps “Your Mum” is only funny once, and only because you weren’t expecting it, and even then only marginally so. Totally lame on the rebound.

                    6. 16.3.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.6

                      Crikey, not only do you repeat my lame jokes back to me, you also repeat my self deprecating critique of the lame joke.

                      You remind me of someone. I’ll figure it out soon.

                  2. 16.3.1.1.1.1.1.1.2

                    wtf does “$20,000 to $30,000 on average” actually mean? And given that how did they work out that Key was around $10,000 of that.

                    Someone is definitely making numbers up.

                    1. 16.3.1.1.1.1.1.1.2.1

                      Usually when people say “retainer” they mean a fixed price per term regardless of the work required.

                      If the payment varies like that from month to month then it’s not a retainer in the sense the word is usually understood. It can still technically be called a retainer but it really just means ongoing work, billed according to the work required.

                      The interesting bit is that the “retainer” this Bowler chap describes (variable payments depending on the work required) is the opposite of the “retainer” Key describes (a fixed fee regardless of the work required).

                      So yep, someone’s telling porkies. Gee I wonder who.

                    2. 16.3.1.1.1.1.1.1.2.2

                      “Usually when people say “retainer” they mean a fixed price per term regardless of the work required.”

                      Usually people say that who haven’t had to negotiate such contracts. You’d be pretty silly to sign up to that as a supplier. You could end up working hundreds of hours on a job effectively without compensation.

                      IME retainers give a certain level of work (eg hours) at a certain rate paid in advance. Work outside that gets charged at a new – often higher – rate. Supplier gets regular cashflow, client gets lower hourly costs but risk that paying for work that is unnecessary. Retainers are also used to secure supplier loyalty and prioritise your work.

                    3. 16.3.1.1.1.1.1.1.2.3

                      “Usually people say that who haven’t had to negotiate such contracts”

                      Of course they haven’t. And you’re essentially just reiterating what I wrote.

                      Now look at what Key said about it and see if you can spot the problem.

          2. 16.3.1.1.2

            So you think because John Key is also Minister for Tourism, he instructed Tourism NZ to get him on Letterman. Really? Do you have any evidence for that?

            Don’t you think that Tourism NZ may have thought of it themselves? I mean, after all, it’s their job to think of things like that.

        2. 16.3.1.2

          Tourism NZ did the begging for a gimmick of questionable value? How did that get past the Minister for Tourism? oh, wait…

    4. 16.4

      Double standard Mad Max read my lips i,m going to bring accountability to the office of PM.No new taxes yeah right winging it.$10,000 That was cheap it cost us tax payers $50million for him and Joyce to get on TV3 and Mediaworks

    5. 16.5

      Max, Key has shown his true level of political discourse: he has reduced democracy to an economic transaction. Thats why the outrage. It is the behavoir of a true prostitute (without the honesty).

  17. 17

    I’ll give the Nats this. They worked out a distraction line after hunting around for a couple of hours to try to find a ‘they did it too’ example.

    And Whale and Farrar have it up within minutes of each other.

    They’ve got those blogs as line disseminators done pat. We’ll be seeing the line repeated here any minute.

    Oh and I love that Whale says “and who remembers the doco that featured Clark?”. Well, National clearly does, Cameron.

    1. 17.1

      desperation
      is brewing in the Blues
      brewing in the Blues, brewing in the Blues
      Desperation is brewing in the Blues

      That’s what you get for being crap

      ——–now back to the news————–

      Helen Clarke was asked to participate in a Documentary Series where selected Heads of State showcased their Nation and Shonkey begged to balance a biscuit on his nose.

      yeah they are so similar its just not funny.

        2. 17.1.1.2

          Actually Key wasn’t good enough to get on Letterman. Despite grovelling for months. He had to pay someone to get camera time, what a desperate little attention seeker.

    2. 17.2

      Zetetic

      I’m glad you think their “they did it too” is pathetic. I do as well. Hard to defend your own team by saying they are only as bad as the other team. Still, it’s the brain dead tribal way isn’t it. Call it on the opposition and defend it in your own team. Totally idiotic…

        1. 17.2.1.1

          It’s a bad habit for all senior politicians. Wonder how many millions have been spent getting Brash camera ready ?

          I also hate to think how much we have paid for photo-shop work over the years !

      2. 17.2.2

        As usual you wildly miss the point, burt.

        They “they did it too” from the tubby little men of the right isn’t laughable because they’re claiming that “they did it too”.

        It’s laughable because they’re comparing two such incredibly different scenarios.

          2. 17.2.2.1.2

            Helen Clarke was asked to participate in a Documentary Series where selected Heads of State showcased their Nation and Shonkey begged to balance a biscuit on his nose.

            Law, quick chat by the fence… you really should read the threads you are commenting in, it kind of makes you look like a plonker if you don’t

            1. 17.2.2.1.2.1

              Freedom, thanks for the chat. Whilst we are here… who is Helen Clarke? Oh, and since we are talking about the documentary series, do you know what other countries appeared? Not sure about you, but appearing alongside Jordan doesn’t exactly make me want to cart wheel down the street

              1. 17.2.2.1.2.1.1

                You mean standing next to Michael Jordan? The guy contracted HIV by playing around sure, but why do you want to besmirch him for it? He’s just another old sports star now. Its just not an appropriate thing to do and I think you should probably apologise.

                2. 17.2.2.1.2.1.1.2

                  Apologise for what?
                  For mentioning Jordan without praising the player Jordan and his HIV?

                  I think you should apologise to law for implying he did something wrong.

                  I’ll just sit here and wait for Viper to apologise, as he wouldn’t expect others to do what he isn’t willing. That would be hypocritical.

                  …

                  *tumbleweed*

  18. 18

    As I said on another topic I’ve voted both sides in my time. Theres nothing in this little story that makes me want to go back to the labour side this time. I come here & to the blogs on the right to keep informed, rarely post anything but today I feel talkative. I’m just not feeling it for labour this time sorry.

    2. 18.2

      MAX. Yes Mr Bradford that always the line a political opponent takes when they try to get some credibility!

  19. 19

    Good old Hels. She kept us off the list for as long as she could, and in circles that matter she’s keeping our head up.

    Chin chin. Chances are that when the rest of the world sees us giving away our assets, a plastic waka, a used condom as a party venue, a cardboard cathedral, and a Soupy Sales ventroloquist dummy as PM, they’ll think we’re just avin a larf. Or at least only in the coalition of the swilling and gullible. Worst-case scenario: the asylum of the south pacific, and not worth the trouble.

    1. 19.1

      On behalf of common sense, i take a little umbrage at “a cardboard cathedral” being included in your list, the motives and technologies behind that project are, i would imagine, far more agreeable to most people than the condom, the bathtoy and the guy on the swingset with his lollipop.

      1. 19.1.1

        Aye, too true freedy, tho I’d have more faith in the motivations if even a tiny effort had been made for communion with the doolans – jesus h, a name like chch, steeple and dome both dust, what an opportunity lost – how many signs do they need? Moneychanger esconced in the temple, the empire crumbling back at the centre, and still they stick to their separate, decaying, threadbare tents of cardboard and tat and ignore the poor. Sad, irrelevant frocks riding a glorious mount into the ground.

  20. 20

    Oh come on, really? Is that the best you can do?

    The company that arranged this worked to promote NZ, and is paid a retainer. What that means is the company is paid no matter what. The 10 grand figure is what the company spent working to secure the deal. Don’t intimate that there was a payment to the Letterman show to secure the appearance! People are actually smarter than that.

    You could contrast this with the 200,000 Helen Clark’s government spent on a documentary, which I had no trouble with. Or what about the 6 million dollar bill that Oprah’s visit cost the Australian taxpayer!

    3. 20.3

      “After getting nowhere, it employed international public relations consultants Hill and Knowlton two months before the September appearance,”

      looks like the retainer was really a short term contract,
      words often hide reality bart, you may want to read articles before commenting on them

      Tourism NZ strongly stated two years ago no monies were spent on getting the PM on the show.
      This week, it’s only a little bit of money was spent getting him on the show.

      It is one of the oldest complaints from most people when looking at those that run things. If there is really nothing untoward in the way you spend another’s dollars then just be honest when asked. Thousands of years of this rubbish. It gets tiresome!

      1. 20.3.1

        There’s no way the fee was NZ$10,000. That’s an out and out lie. US based PR firms do NOT invoice in NZD. US$10,000 is more likely.

        In fact I bet you it was US$10,000 8)

        At a nominal rate of NZUSD 0.70, that’s $14,300.

    4. 20.4

      “Or what about the 6 million dollar bill that Oprah’s visit cost the Australian taxpayer”

      Did they hide that from the Aussies, bart? Don’t think so.

    5. 20.5

      bart

      Sorry mate, pointing and shouting “they did it too” is the way kids try and get out of trouble. In the adult world it equates to: I’m too childish to face up to the bad things in my political party of choice so I’ll point at your party and say they did it too.

      1. 20.5.1

        National partake at every opportunity just look at some of the right wing blogs in these columns don;t try and take the high ground.Politics is like that its a dirty business but a lot of fun hows ernie la lulla la burt

  22. 22

    Frankly the Aussies can pay Oprah or any one else what they like I don’t give a rats. What I don’t like is ShonKey has turned NZ into a piss poor comedy act.
    So seem as the Nats thanks to Gluckman have now discovered evidence based research can anyone tell us if tourism Numbers from the USA increased compared to previous years? Seems how it was money well spent which he didnt spend ???????

  24. 24

    Ok another piece of advice (that you probably won’t listen to anyway) that you may want to take on board:

    Pick your battles

    This is one fight you should be ignoring

        1. 24.1.1.1

          Key paid people to beg Letterman for a token slot which consisted only of him being a dick. Clark showed off some of the nation’s finest tourist attractions. You’d also need to factor in any additional costs in security and accommodation that Key incurred so he could be a dick.

          One had a shot at being a good investment for the country. Clue: Key’s performance did not.

          1. 24.1.1.1.1

            Ahh so as long as its “high-brow” its ok, if its something crass like Letterman its bad

            I wouldn’t mind betting that more people watched the Letterman program then watched a documentary channel episode showcasing Helen Clark

            So to sum up: John Key value for money, Helen Clark not so much

            But hey good luck making this an “issue”

            1. 24.1.1.1.1.1

              It’s got nothing to do with “high brow” – it’s about the relative value of showing the best of our country versus having a hobbit poorly deliver third rate one-liners.

        2. 24.1.1.2

          You’re comparing a documentary series where heads of state show off their various countries to the rest of the world, with Key begging to appear on a chat show to entertain the voters in New Zealand.

          Jeez man, Letterman wouldn’t even interview him! Lame.

    2. 24.2

      But it fits so well into the general theme of

      The Man Who Thought Being PM was a Childhood Joy Ride Come True

    3. 24.3

      it’s not a fight . . . it’s funny,

      because it shows what a snivelly little grommet he really is

      where is his self respect ?

      My humble opinion may not amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world but he is a Prime Minister and yet he believed it was a good idea to send a gagreel to sweeten the deal?

    4. 24.4

      Just like paintagate which raised funds for charity and speedgate which happened on the day Helen had her life threatened by a mad ex drug detective from Christchurch who had a gun

  25. 25

    With the kiwi dollar having fallen in value a lot slower than the US dollar has fallen in value (1 kiwi now = 88 cents) and the continuing implosion of the US economy, we should anticipate a massive fall in the number of overseas visitors, especially those using US $.

    We say it every day: we are governed by criminals and clowns.

  27. 27

    As the original post confirmed, the number of visitors arriving in New Zealand from the USA – ostensibly the reason for Key’s appearance – which had been fairly stable since 2006/07 dropped by 28% in 2010/11.

    Approved visitors from the USA to NZ:
    2006/07: 2,504
    2007/08: 2,312
    2008/09: 2,196
    2009/10: 2,261
    2010/11: 1,887

    Now we could put that down to earthquakes etc. but the graph linked from the original post suggests there was an immediate effect dropping numbers after Key’s appearance…

    1. 27.1

      So Key did do us a favour then 😛

      The excruciating exchange rate is killing our tourist operators and tourist trade retailers.

    2. 27.2

      it’s all the other ‘approved’ visitors from the US that are the really interesting story
      but we don’t get to see those lists 🙂

  29. 29

    Excellent work, team. This will totally swing the polls against National and totally not blow up in your faces or make you look petty or humorless at all.

    1. 29.1

      oh don’t be like that, this is just a bit of a delicates soak cycle we’re putting John Key into 🙂

  30. 30

    Its like the boy who cried wolf, you’re all so keen to score points against he who must not be named that the general public will tire (has tired) of this and will stop listening

    So when something major comes along nobody will care (but then you’ll just the MSM I guess)

    Choose your battles

  31. 31

    Excellent, another diversion to let the intellectually arrogant lefties get all high and mighty on and expend their efforts to little to no effect.

    Do you actually think this makes a blind bit of difference to most people’s perception of the PM?

    1. 31.1

      Just people talking bro.

      You must be heaps of fun at parties.

      ‘OMG do you people actually think any of this makes a blind bit of difference’

      1. 31.1.1

        Ummmm…. I mean the non-story about the payment to a PR company not this thread.

        I’m pretty darn certain that nothing on this site influences people’s perception of the Prime Minister.

        1. 31.1.1.1

          So what new hell is this media theory you have going then?

          Fill me in on why you think the media is running a non-story.

          It’s a story, people are talking about it. What’s your problem?

          1. 31.1.1.1.1

            So your position is that every news piece that the media runs is by extension news worthy simply because it is in the media. Hmmmm… interesting circular logic you have there.

            I’m pretty sure I have seen people on here making comments about some news item or other about Labour which people think was much ado about nothing.

            1. 31.1.1.1.1.1

              So how do you define ‘news worthy’ gos?

              And there are a number of elements to this story, so be sure to mention all of them when explaining to the media why they failed in their judgement about whether or not this story is news worthy.

  32. 32

    The clown was on TV this morning.

    He is so relaxed about the economic and environmental catastrophe underway he has slipped into Liverpool slang: “er, yeah, y’know”.

    Actually he very smart. He managed to answer every question without answering any of them or letting slip where NZ is headed.

    Everything is someone else’s fault and he doesn’t think it is his job to interfere (govern). No wonder the trolls out there love him.

  33. 33

    Dis­cov­ery Chan­nel, Helen Clark = $250,000

    Let­ter­man, John Key = $10,000

    Spot the difference – everyone remembers the Letterman Show

    1. 33.1

      The Discovery channel had like …NZ.

      Letterman got only Key and at a much higher rate per minute

    2. 33.2

      You mean every Kiwi remembers John Key on the Letterman show. Ask an American Letterman viewer if they remember it. They were meant to be the target audience after all, weren’t they?

      Listening to a country’s PM rattling off a list of lame jokes really makes you sit up and say ‘ooh, I absolutely must go there for my next holiday.’

      1. 33.2.1

        Suspicion is that Key got on Letterman to impress the avg Kiwi viewer, and he didn’t mind making an ass of himself on a world stage in order to sway votes back home.

        He swayed my vote, for sure.

    3. 33.3

      I remember Letterman and I couldn’t even bring myself to watch John Key making a fool of himself. Tell you what, if they had made a cool trailer out of the NZ doco and showed that on Letterman it might have had a positive effect.

      Nobody travelled here because a pin striped ex banker (how much ex remains to be seen) which is the one kind of species everybody hates in the US told them too. If anything they probably thought; Euw, the were stupid enough to vote in one of the Wall street parasites as their PM? No way am I going there!

      1. 33.3.1

        You’re missing the wider picture, Ev. Key (you may have noticed) is a bankster. With the help of the Freemasons, they control the world and, especially New York, where the Letterman show is made.

        If they could manage to blow up buildings in New York and frame innocent Arabs then getting one of their own on the Letterman show would be easy-peasy.

        I am sure there is a depleted uranium angle in there as well.

  34. 34

    Meanwhile the 10Bill hole in their last budget is still there…..more carefully timed distractions people.

  35. 35

    I love this, keep it up. Nothing like seeing new episodes in the long running h-fee farce. I might write to the programmers at comedy central and ask them to add it to the line up of their sunday marathons.

  36. 36

    says you.

    give up the wikipedia “truth by consensus, not necessarily the facts” basis for your attacks, it’s old and demonstrably wrong.

    In the meantime, I hear John Key will be travelling by his own personal car to the dairy to get milk. Is this proof of his collusion with fonterra and big oil to stamp on the underclass by increasing demand for both milk and petrol and therefore raise prices?

    1. 36.1

      No, he does that over a cup of tea on conference call, drinking the milk he has just bought. Silly goat.

    2. 36.2

      No, actually he says so himself in at least two interviews he just lies about when and since the only time Andrew Krieger did the deed was 1987, left Bankers trust in January 1988 and he had left the entire world of trading in June 1988 John’s statement that he only dealt with Andrew Krieger in August of 1988 is a very easily disprovable fact.
      Links to interviews:here and here
      Links to New York times archive here, here and here.

      So either three different New York Times journalists and Andrew Krieger who also described the attacks in detail in his own book and has been named in several other books describing the attacks as occurring in October 1987 were wrong or Johnny boy is telling fibs. I know based on Johnnies propensity for telling the odd fib and fib which option I would take.

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