Northland Fishing Competition

Winston Peters has stitched John Key up again, this time hook, line and sinker. When Key lied in Parliament about the Northland MP’s supposedly leisurely lifestyle, Peters offered a challenge: provide some evidence or donate $100k to charity.  Will cowardly Key take the bait?

Treachery and silly season political snippets

There’s still a few MPs “on duty”. Their function is to maintain the semblance of active government and to roll out a bunch of announcements they hope will escape full scrutiny.

Blue on the polls

Landline polls are a traditional gripe for lefties. But this election polls look seriously out of whack with reality.  Is National at 55%, 50%, 48% or 46%? But it’s always far too large for a party at National’s current stage in the political cycle. Just unbelievable and highly unlikely.

Caption contest

Celebrity golf!  Which one will get voted off the island first!?  Meanwhile the world burns, the poor struggle, and the wealth gap continues to be a blight on our country.

Climb the mountain of conflict

North Korea is playing nuclear brinksmanship at the moment. Its leadership probably doesn’t want war but the constant threat of war is how it get concessions from the West, gains mana, and keeps its people in line. The West is trying to defuse this situation by talking down the prospects of war, while showing its readiness. Into this delicate, high stakes game stumbled John Key.

Key’s Venezuelan snub

John Key’s decision to not attend Hugo Chavez’s funeral is a snub of a major trade partner at a crucial time. Remember, this junket’s justification is that, for some reason, Key’s presence in these countries will improve trade. But, in snubbing Venezuela, he is insulting our largest export destination in South America. Venezuela matters more than all the countries Key is visiting combined.

Being there

Johnny’s million dollar treat for his wife at your expense has turned into a bit of a farce. The delayed flight, the weird fainting (not jet lag, not overwork), and now they won’t get to the pole because of snow. The justification for the Keys’ South Pole trip was to learn about its science projects. Next time, may I suggest this?

Johny on ice

After four weeks holiday in Hawaii, John Key will briefly land in New Zealand this week before popping off on a junket to Antarctica. Now, you won’t hear a lot about this in the media – because half the press gallery is going with him and they’re just excited to go to Antarctica – but there’s all kinds of buzz coming out of the public service about how and why Key set up this trip.

Missing the point: Minister of Tourism fail

Michael Field on Stuff, responds to a question he attributes to “Labour Party blog, The Standard” about our Minister of Tourism spending most of his holidays in Hawaii  and fails to answer the question he cites. Field diverts to past PMs, ignores all Clark’s NZ holidays, and champions “Kiwi” Muldoon.

Minister for Oversea Holidays

Getting away this summer? Or having a ‘staycation’ and selling your leave to make ends meet? Are you “jealous” that Key’s off to Maui for 3 weeks, again? Or are you just a bit pissed off to learn that our Minister of Tourism has so far spent over 100 days overseas on holiday since becoming PM, while the average Kiwi’s had just 27 days abroad and tourism here is in crisis?

John Key’s Summer

While John Key spends the summer in Hawaii, he will need to make some decisions about the future of his cabinet.  Parata’s future is poised in the balance, and he is looking to move Tim Groser on later next year.

John Key Selling (out) New Zealand

John Key’s selling out of NZ workers’ rights, tourism industry and identity to Hollywood, the TPP and US corporates, has reached a new low.  OIA papers reveal the extent to which Warners is dictating the NZ government’s promotion of 100% Middle-earth.

Does Key give a damn any more?

My old man, a casual observer of politics, said the other day: “John boy doesn’t look like he wants to be there anymore”. I reckon he’s right. Except when he’s doing photo-ops, Key looks ever more grumpy and aloof. No wonder he’s spending so much time overseas. No wonder he’s making such bad decisions like betraying his promise to the Pike River families.

Brain fade: an incomplete history of Key’s selective forgetfulness

Frankly Speaking has a nice compilation of some of John Key’s “brain fades” in the last couple of years. Funnily enough, it tends to be that the things he forgets are his direct linkages to government embarrassments – Dotcom, SkyCity, the new BMWs, the Mediaworks bailout, the credit downgrade. To Frank’s list, you can add the Tranzrail shares and probably many more.

Key changes tune, orders GCSB review

Last week, Key tried to tell us that the illegal spying on Kim Dotcom – which he, the minister, we’re supposed to believe wasn’t told about for 8 months – was down to one agent’s ‘brain fade’. Uh huh. So, why has he now appointed a senior public servant to review and reform GCSB? You don’t do that when the problem was one person’s human error.

[Update: Lol at Key. Police are launching a high powered inquiry after he said there was no need for one]

Journey to Planet Key

In the House yesterday, Metiria Turei threw National’s ‘Planet Labour/Planet Green’ line back at Key, asking if ordinary people get to break the law too or if that privilege is reserved for ministers on Planet Key. Like all little bullies, Key couldn’t take it back. He lashed out and, like Romney’s fatal gaffe the same day, it exposed something of Key’s real world view.

Towards a metric for Prime Ministerial decision-making

So, a pre-planned trip to watch a son’s baseball and a week’s holiday in the States is more important than attending 2 soldiers’ funerals. But attending 3 soldiers’ funerals outranks attending the Pacific Island Forum attended by the region’s leaders. A question for the reader: how many Little League games beats a pull aside with Julia Gillard on boat people?

Base lies

So, Key’s over in Maine watching his kid play baseball (and, shush, taking the rest of the week off for another overseas holiday). Whatever. The thing that gets me is that he can’t help but lie to tell people what they want to hear. He’s told Maine media that the little leaguers getting to the world tournament is big news here. No, it’s not. It’s just news that our PM has gone to watch.

The reverse Midas touch: exchange rates

John Key likes to trade on his experience as a, well, trader. You know, he’s the deal maker. The one to steer us through tough economic times, to get our exports growing. He understands the markets and that knowledge will benefit New Zealand. But, how well has he really done? Let’s start this series close to home for Key: the exchange rate.

Choices, choices: Golf, PM holidays, or paid parental leave?

Key is on another holiday trade mission to Indonesia, starting with a round of golf followed by a BBQ. While researching this, I learned something: You know how Key and Boag were both at the same golf tournament when the Nat Civil War blew open? Turns out you and I paid the $500K prize for that tournament. On an unrelated note, we definitely can’t afford to extend paid parental leave.

Try hard Key’s audition tape

January 2009. Jobs are being lost at 4,000 per week. Key and his government have just come back from a month long holiday. First thing he does: makes an audition tape for Letterman. Notice how all the jokes are taking the mickey out of our country. Makes you real proud.

Why Key’s opportunism was sickening

The Right is whining that Key said “If [the Norway massacre] is an act of global terrorism, I think what it shows is no country large or small is immune from that risk and that’s why New Zealand’s played its part in Afghanistan” . ‘IF! Don’t you see, IF!’ Try to get the point, righties. Key opportunistically framed a tragedy for his political purposes.

No byline

Gotta love the piece in the Herald today about Key[s]’s meeting with Obama. No mention of what was discussed or achieved (nothing). Just ‘oh they got along. And Key would have made Obama laugh. If Obama wasn’t busy with important stuff’. Best part in this non-bylined article is the list of what makes them such good buddies.

Mission: whatevered

Classic Key on his holiday very important series of very important meetings that were very important and achieved all kinds of important things: “I’ve got to be the luckiest Prime Minister of New Zealand in the last 25 years. I’ve come to Washington and every single person who we’ve met with from the Administration has wanted to see us” Yay! Meetings!

Key’s sickening opportunism over Norway attacks

The bombing and shootings in Norway overshadowed Key’s meeting with Obama. But he was quick to exploit Norway’s tragedy for political gain saying: “I think what it shows is no country large or small is immune from risk [of ‘global’ terrorism] and that’s why New Zealand plays its part in Afghanistan.” Truth is, the attacker was a rightwing Norwegian.

[Update: more than 80 dead at the camp]

Worth every cent you’re paying

3 days of dinners and walking around looking for a photo-op in LA done, Key’s in DC. But his meetings are being cancelled by people with better stuff to do. Not to worry. The big date is still on: providing “light relief“, in his own words, for Obama. Wonder if he’ll tell him in the one about the national cycleway. Or pull out the ‘brighter future’ gag.

A try hard in America

Key’s off on holiday again. 5 days of taxpayer-funded travel and the only real meeting will be half an hour with Obama. But first, he’s in LA solely to have dinner with Warners. Value for our money eh? Key’s more excited about standing in the Oval Office so he can pretend to be powerful than achieving anything solid from his time in the US.

An excellent question

“We see you on TV a lot. What else do you do?” – schoolkid to John Key at yet another photo-op.

In other news, Key was lying when he said he doesn’t have any choice over his DPS entourage. Helen Clark dismissed her DPS cover for at least 73 days when on private holidays. Key spent $30K of our money taking the DPS to Hawaii.

A nursery rhyme

Pussy Key, pussy Key, where have you been?
I’ve been down to London to visit the Queen.
Pussy Key, pussy Key, what did you there?
Sweet fuck all, but thanks for paying for my holiday