John Key: The invisible man

Written By: lprent - Date published: - 47 comments
Categories: john key, Minister for International Embarrassment, Minister for Photo-ops, Satire

Fresh from his comedy career on Letterman, his rolling over puppy imitation for Warner Brothers, and other such high profile appearances. John Key has now taken to reprising the role of “The Man with No Name”.

3 News reported yesterday.

Key_Cameron_mandela_1200

Prime Minister John Key has been labelled an “unidentified guest” at Nelson Mandela’s memorial service in a photograph published by a US media outlet.

The photo of Mr Key and British Prime Minister David Cameron appeared in a gallery on the New York Daily News website among a number of moving pictures from this morning’s ceremony.

It was captioned: “British Prime Minister David Cameron (R) laughs with an unidentified guest as he attends the official ceremony for the late South African president Nelson Mandela.”

Personally I think that the Queen of Thorns put it much more succinctly with this image

The kitten and John Key

He is a bit like that old advertisement for L&P – “World famous in New Zealand”.

47 comments on “John Key: The invisible man”

Comment numbers have changed to permanent references. Older quoted numbers may no longer identify the same comment.

    1. 1.1

      Nah, just amused the hell out of me when I was reading the feed this morning.

      Let me see. He is the PM of NZ and Minister of Tourism. So some journos in one of our primary tourist sources know him as “Unidentified Guest”. They damn well knew who Helen Clark was.

            1. 1.1.1.1.1.1

              Yeah, I dunno officer. He snuck up on me from behind, out of nowhere. He was wearing a pinstrip suit and a blue tie. He said something about a brighter future and then hit me over the head with a pokie machine. I saw a flash, so maybe that was the brighter future. I dunno. Anyway, before I knew what was happening I was on the ground, reeling, and the bugger was going through my wallet muttering about funding tax cuts this way and increasing gst, and selling government asses (or it might’ve been assets, I think he has a speech impediment). Then the bastard kicked my wife’s legs from under her, nicked the kids’ lunches, and disappeared at a fair rate of knots up the national cycleway.

              I saw the bugger again just yesterday in some photo taken at Mandela’s memorial service but whoever took that photo doesn’t know who the hell he is either. Good luck trying to catch him. He’s pretty slippery.

                1. 1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1

                  There were two witnesses, but I dunno if they’ll be any use to you. One of them said his name was Shearer but he said he missed the whole thing because he was playing his guitar at the time and umm…ahhh…suddenly remembered he usually played it the other way round.

                  The other was some bloke Cunliffe, but he said he was too busy on his cellphone trying to get hold of Parker and Goff and telling them to shut up for chrissakes than to pay attention to what was actually happening to a voter at the moment. He said he liked the guy’s suit but wasn’t all that impressed with his legwork.

                  1. 1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1

                    I daresay there were other people trying to help you too and I’ll bet the ‘unidentified man’ muttered something about money and rent-a-crowds – what a nuisance that people always gather around objecting to his muggings…same people…must be being paid to do that…mutter mutter….

                    1. 1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1

                      Initially I thought the mugger might’ve been drunk. He kept saying “act shilly, act shilly”. I said, I’m not fuckin acting silly you bastard, you’ve hit me over the head with a pokie machine and I’m tryin to figure out wtf you’re up to with my wallet while I’m still seein stars…

                  2. 1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.2

                    Then they found the guy Cunliffe reeling saying that he had seen a double rainbow and what did it mean? Seems a nice guy but still a bit confused. When he settles down and works out the rainbow thing he’ll probably sharpen up.

        2. 1.1.1.2

          infused
          She [Helen Clark} had a 24/7 ‘serious’ face….FIFY
          She took the job seriously, and within the limitations of the neo lib culture she was trying to maneourvre within, and the damaged Labour Party she was emerging from, she did a good job at holding the bridge against the ravaging NACT hordes. They were armed with slings and arrows, and any weapon that their cunning and narrow., power-focussed minds could conceive. What a Rosemary’s Baby that was.

        3. 1.1.1.3

          Infused: What a vile comment you make. This elegant and erudite woman is mourning the loss of a friend. Perhaps you have no empathy for how that might feel.

            1. 1.1.1.3.1.1

              The Glorious Reign is over? You’re the one living in the past. Everybody knows Clark’s long gone. The country’s now being run by Louis XVI’s jester.

      1. 2.1.1

        “Don’t touch the suit” – spot on. “They’re getting so good at imitating us. God I hate these things, such a bore”.

  4. 4

    I wonder if the black man in front is a South African Who Is Not Amused at the white pollies in the background. The constituency they represent are not their whole countries, but the ones whose minds go when Mandela is referred to, ‘Do I Care? I’ve just remembered that I don’t care, but have you heard the one about a black man, a white goat and a vuvuzela?

    1. 4.1

      As an aside, it seems Mugabe was very well received by the crowd. Interesting the different perspective we get delivered over here in the west huh.

    1. 5.1

      So John key went to Mandela’s funeral to have a catch up chat, and share a few laughs with Cameron and Abbott? On austerity, bennie bashing, asset stripping and other anti-democratic moves/ How to disrespect what the anti-apartheid movement!

    1. 6.1

      No he might have some problems there. John Key’s only popular with a minority of electors though. Let’s see what next year brings.

  7. 7

    Seems a trvial thing to devote a thread to. Unless they were laughing “cos the terrorist is finally gone” …. I apologise if I recall incorectly that cameron considered ma
    ndela a terrorist

  8. 8

    So our dear leader is worth………. nothing on the world stage. That appears about right for this egotistical moron. With Parliament breaking for the summer recess, I wont be surprised if he hardly acknowledges the outcome of the referendum, instead talking up how important and influential it was to be at Mandela’s funeral – if only he could remember.

  9. 9

    I wish I could forget him so easily. Ah well – Cameron will be in opposition after the next election and Key will be somewhere else but not here. Silver linings

  10. 10

    How his popularity cld have jumped if he had said. I was pro tour. I was young and stupid. I realised the greatness of mandela and the cause when I became a man.

    I was 15 in 81. I believed what my parents believed that if half of nz wanted to play then that was democracy. Within a few short years I had changed my view.

  13. 13

    Caption this: John Key arrives at Parliament on his first day, with “lunch.” Gareth Morgan nods approvingly in the background.

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