The Standard

humour

Categories under humour

Key: Look over here! Please, look over here

Written By: - Date published: 6:45 pm, February 8th, 2010 - 44 comments

Well, wages are stagnating, unemployment is just shy of its all-time high, crime is up, and there is no chance of the Government fulfilling its flagship promise – closing the gap with Australia by 2025. Tomorrow, a make or break speech will lay out Key’s programme of action for the year ahead, and expectations are […]

Corporation to run for US Congress

Written By: - Date published: 12:36 pm, February 5th, 2010 - 8 comments

Following the recent Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission to allow unlimited corporate funding of federal campaigns, Murray Hill Inc. today announced it was filing to run for U.S. Congress. Read the whole press release. Here’s their first campaign ad:

Do nothing and loving it

Written By: - Date published: 11:26 am, February 4th, 2010 - 11 comments

Saw this in the new culture/humour page in the Dom: Glad to see the “do-nothing PM” as Rodney Hide called John Key doing plenty of late. Take the past fortnight for example; there’s been the barbecue and beer with Prince William, photo ops with punters at the Wellington races, and a ribbon-cutting ceremony and practice […]

John Key – still clueless

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, January 31st, 2010 - 25 comments

John Key is now stands as being first in NZ for being ‘clueless’ on searches in Google. He is number seven in the world as being clueless. The google-bomb is still running! It will be interesting to push him to number one in the world.

Minimum standards

Written By: - Date published: 1:10 pm, January 28th, 2010 - 20 comments

How media should view polls

Written By: - Date published: 11:30 am, January 23rd, 2010 - 7 comments

Hattip: NickS linking to PhD comics

Warning: Beware what you say on the net. Humourless bastards are after you.

Written By: - Date published: 1:42 pm, January 21st, 2010 - 23 comments

No Right Turn has a post about the weirdness of the police forces in Britain at present. Elements of our own police force have been acting just as weirdly about ‘terrorism’ over the past years bringing a new era of police stupidity and police doing actions that are subsequently found to be illegal1. Joking about […]

Govt: All workers to get same holidays as PM

Written By: - Date published: 6:03 am, January 12th, 2010 - 85 comments

Workers to get same holidays as PM Monday, 11/01/2010, 11:30pm Press release: New Zealand Government The Government will raise the minimum annual leave entitlement for all workers from four weeks a year to seven, Prime Minister John Key said today. “This will bring the holiday entitlements of all Kiwis into line with the vacations I […]

A Potty Peer making money off future misery.

Written By: - Date published: 12:10 pm, January 9th, 2010 - 72 comments

Gareth over at Hot-Topic has written a delightful post “Popgun for hire: A$20,000 detailing one person who is making money off climate change. No it isn’t the scientists. It is our favorite Potty Peer – Christopher, Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. Some of the CCDs have been saying that there is a “climate change industry” and […]

How Act’s failed coup went down

Written By: - Date published: 9:49 am, January 7th, 2010 - 39 comments

Spotted on Facebook:

Re-run: Worth fails to cock-up for a week – apologises to PM

Written By: - Date published: 10:01 am, December 26th, 2009 - 2 comments

Actually, this guest post never got published because, before we could publish it, Richard Worth would be involved in some new scandal and then he was sacked, which adds a layer of irony to the post: In a shocking week for the National government, Internal Affairs minister, Richard Worth, failed to cock anything up. He failed […]

Seasons greetings

Written By: - Date published: 9:27 am, December 26th, 2009 - 7 comments

lolz. Cheers to saltandvingarclips for linking to their hilarious vids in comments

Oh yeah, SPEEDholes

Written By: - Date published: 7:29 am, December 22nd, 2009 - 7 comments

Could making the surface of cars rough be a cheap and esay way to boost fuel efficiency, thereby saving oil and helping tackle climate change? The idea comes from the dimples on golf-balls, which hold a thin layer of air to the ball, lessening turbulence and drag. And, amazingly, it appears to work: [the full segment on […]

All that glitters

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, December 18th, 2009 - 15 comments

Brilliant piece from Stephen Colbert on the nutty American Right’s new obsession with gold. Sure, it’s billed as a survivalist thing – preparing for the collapse of society brought on by Obama’s socialist agenda – but the truth is it’s dumb rednecks getting ripped off by immoral capitalists, again.

Scientific conspiracy on a global scale

Written By: - Date published: 1:54 pm, December 15th, 2009 - 40 comments

In a recent post my good friend and fellow concern troll DPF covered the Associated Press review of the leaked “climategate” materials. The review concluded that the science of global warming was genuine. But DPF had some concerns: “My worry is that there is now a mindset where only data that fits the thesis is […]

Capitalism in its wonderful natural form.

Written By: - Date published: 7:55 pm, December 7th, 2009 - 29 comments

Following on from our report earlier this year about ideal places for libertarians to go, it appears that we are now seeing capitalism in its wonderful Ayn Rand style libertarian idealized form. Somali ‘maritime companies” have setup a stock exchange to help incubate free enterprise in its natural form. From Reuters we have this report. […]

Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 4:00 pm, December 7th, 2009 - 26 comments

A world gone crazy

Written By: - Date published: 12:30 pm, December 3rd, 2009 - 29 comments

It started with me agreeing wholeheartedly with Fran about youth unemployment. Now I can add Garth George and Bruce Sheppard to this strange confluence of opinions. For a start Garth George has provided one of the few decent media critiques of Brash’s batshit crazy proposal: The description of the report by Finance Minister Bill English […]

Jon Stewart’s Glenn Beck parody

Written By: - Date published: 4:33 pm, December 2nd, 2009 - 2 comments

Caught this on The Nation. Brilliant. Jon Stewart has done it again, and this time he even brought out his acting chops. In what will probably become a historic Glenn Beck impression, Stewart uses Beck’s recent appendicitis operation to concoct a conspiracy theory of his own. Using a chalkboard, glasses, and a game of Operation […]

Key’s busy day

Written By: - Date published: 8:09 am, November 25th, 2009 - 14 comments

Ha! But seriously, I doubt that Key changes his own oil.

CCDs. Worms perhaps?

Written By: - Date published: 2:15 pm, November 24th, 2009 - 73 comments

It has been fascinating over the last few days watching the CCDs (Climate Change Deniers) make an another attempt to scale the bastion of scientific thinking and language. In this case someone hacked a copy of decade of e-mails at the Climate Research Unit (CRU) at a insecure University of East Anglia webmail server. There […]

What I did on my holidays – by [insert name here]

Written By: - Date published: 11:04 pm, November 20th, 2009 - 38 comments

Ohmigod, after Red Alert informed me that the National MPs had started a blog, I nearly died!!!!!!! And after I’d finished that and resurrected, I went and had a look at it. Yep, I was right. These buggers know nothing about what blogging is about. Some moronic PR flack somewhere (is that a parliamentary crest […]

Faux pro-smacking march fun

Written By: - Date published: 8:08 am, November 17th, 2009 - 41 comments

With all his usual wit, James of Editing the Herald proposes a spike of the so-called ‘March for Democracy’ in Auckland this week. The full post is well worth reading but here’s the meat: Democracy’s greatest heroes, from Thomas Jefferson to Tony Blair, appeared to me in a dream and showed me a glorious vision: a […]

Heads will roll!

Written By: - Date published: 11:50 am, November 12th, 2009 - 4 comments

The Government has today announced a full inquiry into all instances of politicians calling for ‘heads to roll’ following the controversy over Mr Harawira suggesting Mr Goff should be shot. Mr Key said “It’s just not good enough that people have been going around literally threatening what is in reality very violent metaphoricals in a […]

One of these things is not like the other IX

Written By: - Date published: 7:30 am, November 8th, 2009 - 35 comments

One of these things is not like the other, One of these things is not quite the same… Can you guess which one is not like the other, Can you tell me before I finish the game?

Caption Competition

Written By: - Date published: 3:19 pm, November 3rd, 2009 - 36 comments

Cycleway to nowhere

Written By: - Date published: 9:30 am, October 31st, 2009 - 9 comments

This just in: A picture of stage one of PM John Key’s personal solution to NZ’s recession – the cycleway to nowhere! OK, just kidding. It’s one of the images from The Guardian’s photo show on “Crap cycle lanes”. View them and weep, fellow cyclists… (If you want a political angle to haggle – how […]

Caption Competition

Written By: - Date published: 2:48 pm, October 28th, 2009 - 44 comments

Nanny wins

Written By: - Date published: 8:22 am, October 25th, 2009 - 21 comments

Remember when the world was going to end because Nanny State was going to make us get compact fluorescent bulbs? It all seems so long ago. Those ignorant, reactionary days of 2008. Now, we’re crazy for the wee blighters. According to the Building Research Association of New Zealand: “84 percent of homes had at least […]

Everyone else is doing it so why can’t we?

Written By: - Date published: 12:41 pm, October 24th, 2009 - 5 comments

Turns out our media aren’t the only ones who, rather than providing analysis and information, act as little more than amplifiers for the best spin.

One of these things is not like the other VIII

Written By: - Date published: 2:35 pm, October 23rd, 2009 - 30 comments

One of these things is not like the other, One of these things is not quite the same… Can you guess which one is not like the other, Can you tell me before I finish the game?