Caption Competition

Written By: the sprout - Date published: - 57 comments
Categories: bill english, corruption, john key, national, parliamentary spending - Tags:

Bill English and John Key as the odd couple

57 comments on “Caption Competition”

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  4. 4

    I am pleased to inform you that I have been appointed Attorney-General and Minister for the Public Trust Office.

  9. 9

    The government is today tabling a Bill to reduce personal taxes from 1 April 2009. Its intention is to pass this new tax legislation by Christmas and it believes this tax reduction will equip New Zealanders with some much needed extra cash in tough economic times.

    This programme of tax reduction is a central part of the economic plan of the Government, because it believes in encouraging New Zealanders to get ahead under their own steam, and it views personal tax reductions as an essential step in ensuring that can happen.

      1. 9.2.1

        As if ..what ?

        You could smoke your own farts ?

        You could felate yourself

        you could be a useful member of society ?

  13. 13

    And so when John said he had a big wad waiting for…well, look, it was a simple misunderstanding. I misheard was all and acted appropriately under circumstances that struggled to deal with my reality

  18. 18

    The question is not whether he has broken the law, but whether he has behaved according to the standards of a minister.

  19. 19

    “oh sure (hic) I’ll resign – eventually…. but look, it’s working, the Nice Man smiles and the punters love us….” ….oh shit!…did I say that out loud again?

  23. 23

    “Previously a problem to reproduction, pandas lose their interest in mating once in captivity’ Unlike me

  24. 24

    Actually – the way this post lays out on the front page does a pretty good caption too: “Corruption must never be tolerated”…

  26. 26

    There’s a set of inevitable problems. It’s like physics, right. If you push something up its gonna drop. If you give people cash, they have high marginal tax rates.

    Okay, that’s it. You can’t get round that. Don thought he could but he couldn’t. So did John [Key] actually but you can’t. So the only raw choice is: fix the problem; or take money off them. And there’s no way you can fix the problems without taking the money off them. So we’re sitting here saying the punters are keen to keep it. They’re facing a recession. The last thing we want is to spend the whole election campaign with families of four on TV saying “Mr Key’s taking money off us”. You can’t do that.

  34. 34

    Bill: Other highlights of Johns trip were…
    John: I leave for 5 minutes and she closes my damn school…Wait a minute why aren’t I saying that speech.

  36. 36

    Hey Bill. I know it’s fat, hard and very very long, and that it has produced 6 kids. But it still stretch to anywhere remotely near Dipton.

  37. 37

    Exerting a trance-like concentration, the PM almost had the glass of water hovering perfectly over his Deputy’s collar.

  38. 38

    (Guess what show *I* was obsessed with as a teen:)

    BE: What are you doing, John?
    JK: I’m naming aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the stars.
    BE: There are no stars, John, that’s the ceiling. Also, it’s day.

  40. 40

    key:..’not much longer now..

    and i won’t have to put up with you standing next to me..smirking..

    ..and pretending it is really you who is running the show..”

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

  42. 42

    “As I said this morning, to a bloke on the number 3 bus from Dipton, you can’t beat Wellington on a good day. Go the ‘caines! Brother can you spare me a dime?”

  43. 43

    Bill: “It’s a fair cop, your honour, but the system is to blame.”

    John (thinks): “Hawaii’s only 6 hours from Samoa, wonder if I can fit a holiday into the holiday?

  44. 44

    D.D. Statement “I stand here today to announce that unemployment has risen, the current account deficit is getting worse, wages are stagnant and that meaningful, growth is still several years off. The government books are however 32,000 dollars better off than Treasury forecast…”

    J.K thinks “gees, Obama DID seem genuinely pleased to meet me. That Letterman is such a funny guy”

  47. 47

    This government operates within the law, and we will continue to do so.

    While we make no promises about ethical standards, the way things look is important to our poll ratings, so if there is the perception of corruption we will hand at least some of the money back.

    (On explaining why he had been promoted to Attorney General and Minister of the Public Trust Office).

  48. 48

    Goff and co… you are all going to be on the opposition benches for a very long time….

    [lprent: Read the policy. You’re looking like a mindless troll and if I see any more like this inane comment then I’ll treat you as a spambot. ]

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