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The caption going around on Facebook …
Administrator of the United Nations Development Programme and former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark with an unidentified guest …
Helen Clark with unidentified corporate manager.
just what I was going to say!
Helen: “We’re both wearing unconvincing toupees, aren’t we”.
(sorry, not as Labour-friendly as I’d like, but just couldn’t resist it. Call me a bastard, if you will).
Helen: “It’s my very great pleasure to officially announce that the UN will be forcibly requisitioning Mr Key’s extensive Hawaii property portfolio in order to finance its on-going development programme for the next 10 years.”
Key (thought-bubble) “What the Flying Fuck …..??????”
Helen smiled and calmly pushed the risk alert button. The unidentified intruder was dealt with speedily and has never been seen again.
Fuckwit wearing contemptuous facial expression and silly haircut stands beside well respected NZer.
Which one are you describing?
Hint: One is well known, the (slimy looking) other one is “unidentified” around the globe.
It looks like John Key is holding the Newsquawk ZB microphone. How fitting – the next Leighton Smith / Paul Henry / Michael Laws / Murray Deaker.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
‘Unidentified ZB reporter interviews Helen Clark.’
“Mandela was a great man who participated in a very significant struggle. His willingness to go to prison for his people, motivated me politically. My first political actions were in the anti-apartheid movement. I remember the 81 tour very clearly and the way the country was divided over it . Over to you, John.”
yeah – that’s the point isn’t karol. Politics is a hard game and relatively few people come out the other side of it with integrity and respect.
(Cue some idiot blithering on about a painting ..)
Clark: “I’m with stupid”
Clark:–thinks– “where’s his guys with the curly wires down their necks? he’s looking more hungover than usual, hope he’s not working up to a stomach reflux”
Key:–thinks– “Lucky b***h she gets to live in the big Apple and everyone knows her, I’m stuck with bloody Bill, Hekia, Gerry, Joycie, those damn Maaaris and no one else wants to know me. Geez wheres my detail got to…. time for my morning livener”
UNDP = Under National Depression Prevails
UN
DP
Reading from top to bottom, the motto of both leaders of New Zealand: United Dunne; Not Peters.
Key: Utter Dipshit
Helen: Nearly Perfect
Apologies to Helen.
“Lord Percy, it’s up to you: You can shut up, or you can have your head cut off.”
🙂 Apologies to Catherine for another also ran.
John Key forgets to switch on his fake boyish grin because he is so intimidated in the presence and power of a great woman. Instead his off screen sneer stays on.
I’m not full of quips today but Helen looks like she is having a good time…
Who’s the old miser next to her?
The media know which of them can give a dignified statement without sounding like a petulant child.
“Nine long bloody years she had………… and I’m not going to get the same, am I?”
…and she probs. will get to be Sec. General too. Pisses me off…
Btw, will you be sending the chocky fish and marshmellow santa by post?
In yer dreams….
Chocky fish et al is for whoever wins and it isn’t gonna be me. Jesus you’re a twat Grumps.
Helen: “Could someone get Security, please ? This ageing, drunken would-be lothario keeps hanging around me.”
“Of course I’m smiling I don’t have to take him on in another debate, my cheeks are still red from the spanking he dished out” 🙂
or
“No wonder I’m smiling and hes not, I’m paid more, I work less, I live in New York and I’m answerable to virtually no one” 🙂
Only one of the people in the photo constantly compares himself to the other.
You know this as well as anyone does, and your desperate smiles only serve to highlight the fact.
You can always tell the really funny submissions by the way people have to stick a smiley face on the end to signal it’s a joke.
Helen: “Hey John. Why not tell us all the joke about the Englishman, the Scotsman and the Irishman who go into the Mens lavatory together ? You know, the hilarious joke you told David Cameron because you were getting so bored at Mandela’s funeral.”
Xox
I told JK to use the chemical toilet but he wouldn’t listen.
Head of UNDP and NZ Prime Minister announce the secondment of Auckland Mayor, His Worship Len Brown as UN appointed Commissioner to the Mogadishu City Council.
Got yourself a nice little LB obsession thing going on there Grumps, did you go sniffing around Tawa Drive for panties yet?
Nope, but I have fired a guy who did – long story. Come on now, does that deserve a chocky fish or what?
Not your on good authority guy?
No. But you and Key can share the royal baby nappy contents, easter eggs/nuggets.
No, but he helped 🙂
Any day now…
Thanks, great song, Robbie Robertson, Bob and Van.
I return the favour
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MnJgIq48C9k&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DMnJgIq48C9k
Ya want proof????
http://jobs.undp.org/cj_view_job.cfm?cur_job_id=42371
Microphones and recording devices move back uneasily to avoid failed banker’s Death Stare.
Microphones and recording devices love Christmas.
ZB shock jock John Key interviews United Nations Development Programme administrator and former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark.
“Dammit I’m just never going to be as good as her.”
“If I asked her, maybe i could get a position under Charles.”
Which twin has the Toni?
http://insuremybutt.com/Which%20Twin%20has%20the%20Toni.htm
The one on the right!
What has SHE got that I haven’t?
Hate her hair cut!
I so enjoy one- upping the evil little turd!
Unidentified guest wonders if he can buy credibility on Trademe.
Helen: My legacy of working in New York naturally differs to Johns, I’ll be remembered for trying to do good things in the World. As a money trading shyster John will be forever remembered and scorned for pushing a neo liberal agenda.
“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in the rain. Time to die.”
OK that was a good one
Cheers! Key’s probably more Leon than Roy, but that dialogue’s so good it was hard not to use it.
I can feel it coming on…..i want to bite her around the neck
I know what Freud said about penis envy ….but honestly!…. it is all Baloney!
I once stood in a dog poo that reminded me of Mr Key – well I certainly had to use my key to get it all out of the tread
“And he asked me what the letters DP stood for. I told him “Development Programme” and he asked for a definition of both words.”
I love you, Helen.
So this is what charisma looks like close up.
“And this term we’re even going to try to get results for the money we spend!”
Unidentified signer unable to find sign language for “honesty and ethics in public life and empathy for the poor.”
“Maybe if I climbed Kilimanjaro, I could reach the same heights as she has…….”
this is how to smile and look genuine little johnny.
Thanks helen
Outsmiled but no wave.
Key offers hand for a 3 way handshake.
Helen realises she is at a meeting of the
Un
Democratic
National
Party!
Key looks bored as GSCB has already intercepted her speech
Keys thinking I have listen to it again!
Keys thinking I wanted to be NZ’s first female PM.
What a Drag
Dammit – I said I wanted her “Rolodex from Heaven”. How was I to know that everyone had caller ID and no-one would pick up?… wonder whether the GCSB can get a hold of her friends on Facebook?..
My voice is deeper than yours, John…
Ideal leader of NZ Labour Party meets UNDP director
Indeed. How many of HC’s policies has he rolled back?
Helen Clark remains unfazed by the sudden appearance of Kim DotCom, masquerading as John Key, at her morning Press Conference.
Look at that grotesque fucking wig on Key’s head.
Not a caption, just an observation.
clark:..’yes..of course we both knew about our friends the americans..
..keeping a keen eye on ‘trouble-maker’ new zealanders..
..mind you..it is only the troublemakers..
..good/law-abiding new zealand citizens have absolutely nothing to worry about..
..from the actions of either my govt – or this govt – in this area..
..isn’t that right..?..john..?’..
phillip ure..
clark:..
“i know..john knows…you don’t..”
phillip ure..
clark:..
..’i remember when i was an identified guest…ho..ho..ho..!..”
phillip ure..
clark:
“..poverty..schmoverty..
..we don’t care…do we john..?
..between us we’ve got 14 years on the trot..of ‘not caring’..doing nothing..
..i’m in the lead with nine years..but john is fast catching up..
..aren’t you john..?..”
phillip ure..
clark:..
“..now look..!..what’s a bit of cow-poo in rivers between friends..?
..ho..ho..ho.!
..90% of waterways un-swimmable you say..?
..well..!..go to the beach then..!..eh john..?
..new zealand is blessed with lots and lots of beaches..
..stop complaining..!..
..look..!..i am miles from any beach..here in New York..
..you don’t hear me complaining..
..do you..?..now..?..”
phillip ure..
clark:..
“..john has just been briefing me on what is going on with the maori party..
..ho..ho..ho..!..”
phillip ure..
clark:..
“..yes..john and i both use the same hair-stylist..”
phillip ure..
clark:..
“..ho..ho..ho..!..have you heard the really funny joke..?
..my job at the un is fighting poverty…
…the powers that be looked at my work in fighting poverty when in government in new zealand..
..and decided i was the perfect candidate for the job..
..what’s that..?..a progress-report on my work at the un..?..
..no no..we don’t have to do that here…”
..phillip ure..
clark:..
“..did you hear the one about the two new zealand prime ministers who were pretty much satraps for the american empire..?..”
phillip ure..
Someone needs to tell the man in the photo to stop day dreaming.
clark:..
“..yes..in the grand scheme of things..
..john and i both have the same bosses..”
phillip ure..
clark:..
“..god had better defend new zealand..
..’cos neither of us have..
..ho..ho..ho!..”
phillip ure..
clark:..
“..yes..i know that new zealand is worse off now that it used to be..
..but john and i have done alright out of it..
..haven’t we john..?..”
phillip ure..
clark:..
“..we have a little in-joke…john and i..don’t we john..?
..we call ourselves ‘the libber-twins’..
..as in neo-‘lib’..get it..?..get it..?..
..ho..ho..ho..!..”
phillip ure..
UN Dignitary has photo taken with Prim-inister of nu zelan and minista of t’rism
How do you like my unairbrushed choppers??
Hair plugs squirm uncomfortably on failed banker’s scalp.
$2 shop brooch feels violated after being implicated in act of faux patriotism.
“First, I just wanted her job. Then I wanted to be popular. Now I just want to be recognized.”
Helen Clark arrives back in New Zealand to attend one of “The Hobbit” events. Gormless arrives after another failed attempt at being cast in Sir Peter Jackson’s next trilogy.
Oh John boy – I’m glad you didn’t tweet about Hono, you might have come across as a racist little shit-bag.
Oh John boy – the badge on you lapel won’t help – know one knows who you are, outside of New Zealand.
clark:..
“..i would just like to say how pleased i am to see that john has continued my habit of giving pete jackson wheelbarrows of cash..
..whenever he asks for it..
..moats aren’t cheap..to upkeep..y’know…”
phillip ure..
Fear and loathing in New York City.
which is which..?
phillip ure..
The most wonderful about being in New York is that I don’t actually have to do any work and I don’t have to put up with those bloody idiots Cunliffe, Mallard, Curran, Fenton, Mackey, Moroney or Street any more.
A lot of them wanted to come here but the all backed off when I stitched up that twit Carter by getting him a job in Afghanistan.
Bad luck John. You have to put up with their whines now.
Is this woman the great grandmother of the woman who use to be on billboards all around NZ ?