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“When they said the PM’s life was full of highlights, did they mean just speeches?”
Key: “Jesus, I’m such a Liar I could scratch my own eyes out ! In fact, I think I will.”
John Key: Drunk and in charge of a Budget.
170,000 …umm what was that again? My shares in TranzRail, or the number of new pixie jobs this Budget will create?
wasn’t that 170,000 new Hobbit positions.
Oh god! Steven has given me the words I have to say but I can’t read his handwriting. Beam me up Rapture maker!
LOL đ
Key studies Budget’s plausibility and implications.
I can’t bear to look at the results of my bankrupt policies.
Argh! Glare from Dune’s bouffant.
What IRD figures…
Nooo! My reptilian eyes!
Double facepalm…What does it mean ?
đ
Treasury’s figures back up everything I say !
S..t I’m sick of all this budget ‘blathering’. I’m getting a migraine. Call my plane I’m off to Hawaii.
Oh no! The world hasn’t ended after all.
Oh fuck I have read the wrong speech
This speech admits my guilt re the attack on the NZ $ in the 1980’s
Hope no-one was listening
Playing hide and seek with the budget.
I’m see no poverty, Bill is hear no poverty, and Joycie is … well a bit of a tosser!
“Your kidding me, Labour actually thinks they are going to win the election?”
“D- ?!??
But I worked so hard on this paper!”
A few seconds later, John realised his mistake: using a highlighter pen as eyeliner could cause nasty burns.
“Oh Shit!! I’ve been caught out not remembering the Crosby Textor script again. It looks like Don will be using this in a hostile takeover bid soon.” This was John Key’s reaction on being given a transcript of the statements he made while giving a press conference in which his honesty was questioned. He had previously stated that he didn’t know what he’d said as he hadn’t seen the programme yet.
When I open my eyes, please tell me that Brash has finally gone away and stopped bothering me…
Oh bollocks, this botox doesn’t seem to be working this time.
“When thse liftists make funof mispich, they dn tundistand thit mireal diffcultyis thit I cannot read CrsbyTxtor’s hindrittin- remember I read whatispit infrintiv me. It miks micry simtims.”
‘Oh shit, that journalist is about to me ask a question about the snip again. He wants to know what I meant when, through an off the cuff (I thought I was being smart at the time) slip of the tongue statement I said in that press conference “All I can say is it’s been highly successful but anyway we won’t get into that either.” That was a year ago now. I thought they had let it pass.’
http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/3759801/I-ve-had-a-vasectomy-John-Key-blurts-out
John Key Uses Charades To Explain National Economic Policy
NZs finest mime or meme artist?
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
For fuck sakes Bill, don’t you remember me telling you not to contract Harold Camping as a consultant for the Budget?
Hey! When I look through my fingers like this, Bill does look like a fence post!
Oh no! I just saw Anne Tolley Naked, make the image go away. Make it go away. Oh please make it go away.
IF I KEEP THIS UP THEY MIGHT JUST GO AWAY
Can’t remeber if I’m the prim minster, havn’t watched the progam yet.
Oh fuck! The drugs are givin me hendous flashbacks O pissin in da bottle.
If I pretend that I can’t see poor people, I’m pretty sure that they can’t see me.
I think its Key thinking yet again that he’s back at kindy.
The use of a yellow highlight pen was a sure giveaway that the speech notes were written by Don Brash.
Seeing the destruction he’s wrought on New Zealand Key commences to gouge out his own eyes before flying to Hawai’Ă to do the plutonium tango.
John Key bitterly regrets taking Joan River’s advice to have his upper and lower lids done.
“Ah!!! Actual statistical calculations and hard data!!! Stop it, stop it!!! I’m meltinnnnggggg…” [Key, after a stray gust of wind whipped a Labour Party policy costing into his face…]