Your Tory: A Care Guide
Below are the care instructions for your Tory. Please read them before using your Tory for the first time. Provided you follow these instructions you can look forward to many years of uninterrupted conservative cronyism.
Your Tory comes with a three-year warranty. In the event you are dissatisfied with your Tory for any reason during that period, please remember that you were the fool who voted him in.

