Caption competition (animated!)

Written By: notices and features - Date published: - 115 comments
Categories: caption contest - Tags: ,

Here, with thanks to Twitter – is our first ever animation for a caption competition!

https://twitter.com/sexnap/status/574435557536702464

115 comments on “Caption competition (animated!)”

Comment numbers have changed to permanent references. Older quoted numbers may no longer identify the same comment.

  1. 1

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock…

    John, let someone else do it.

  3. 3

    Hmmm … nail it or screw it? We’re ffff’d either way. Hmmmm. … I’ve an idea … Bridges! Bridges! Simply brulliant!

  8. 8

    A nice photo-op of me nailing up a placard? Sure. If plebs can do it, how hard can it be?

    Not quite walking the plank, but another nail in the coffin of this government.

  9. 9

    The thing about having a B. Com., is that I can manage someone who can actually do things, rather than having to know how to do them myself.

  11. 11

    Dear John, you may try to stupidly nail Winston and Andrew, but that is all in vain, because you can’t keep two good strong men down.

    P.S :
    Don’t forget to revisit that hoarding on the eve of march 28 to remove your nails, including the bent ones, to use in further bi-elections during this term!

  12. 12

    In all seriousness, how did he manage to get the nail in the wood in the first place – was it already nailed in there for him to flail his hammer at it like a wet towel?

  15. 15

    ” What is this funny looking thing, and what’s that thing in the wood stuff….what ? hit it, this isn’t a proper job…there’s no desk of screens or phone”

  17. 17

    Every time you see me that Hammer’s just so hype
    I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic
    Now why would I ever stop doing this
    With others makin’ records that just don’t hit
    I toured around the world from London to the bank
    It’s Hammer go Hammer
    It’s a Hammer yo Hammer and the rest go and play

  18. 18

    What I’d like to see a politician singing when wielding a hammer:
    “If I had a hammer,
    I’d hammer in the morning
    I’d hammer in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d hammer out danger,
    I’d hammer out a warning,
    I’d hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    If I had a bell,
    I’d ring it in the morning,
    I’d ring it in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d ring out danger,
    I’d ring out a warning
    I’d ring out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    If I had a song,
    I’d sing it in the morning,
    I’d sing it in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d sing out danger,
    I’d sing out a warning
    I’d sing out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    Well I got a hammer,
    And I got a bell,
    And I got a song to sing, all over this land.

    It’s the hammer of Justice,
    It’s the bell of Freedom,
    It’s the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    It’s the hammer of Justice,
    It’s the bell of Freedom,
    It’s the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land    ”

    Youtube:Pete Seeger (Live 1956)

  21. 21

    That is the most useless effort I have seen with a hammer for a very long time. Looks like he’s never used one.

    podgy
    no muscles
    cant swing a hammer
    can only clip the ticket on money trading….

    I give you folks …………. the most useless man in the world!

  23. 23

    With respect to Tony Orlando and Knock Three Times: (Sorry I don’t have the expertise to add a soundtrack, you’ll have to sing it yourself)

    Hey John, what ya doin’ down there?

    Bangin’ a nail all alone

    While we live right around you

    You can hear the votes a going
    We can hear the bribes a coming
    What will the next be
    We’re mates now you need us now you’re in poo

    Oh, my PM, knock three times

    On the nails if you want me

    You have the hype,

    Now you want my vote

    Oh, such crawling
    
After forgetting us always
    
So, tricks of that type

    Means you ain’t got a show.

  24. 24

    ………….If I was a money trader…and a little bit shady
    would you vote for me anyway…would you catch my corporate rabies
    apologies J.Cash and all carpenters

  25. 25

    “Ordinary kiwi bloke seeking work in the building industry. No 90 day trials please. Not much experience but have a cabinet full of tools.”

  28. 28

    Key responds to criticism of his unhandiwork:

    “A builder may say that that’s not how you do the job – but that’s just one view, and like lawyers, I can provide you with another one that will give you a counterview.”

    1. 30.1

      LOL – but seriously, when I first saw Key’s attempts last night on TV3 News (I think) Osbourne was shown as coming in behind Key and nailing the (nail) in one almighty swing! So perhaps he has his uses/skills ……

        1. 30.1.1.1

          I found the equally funny part in that video was at about 1:40 when papa Key assures the nervous little Osborne telling him, ” Come here, you will be totally fine”! Nice daddy! That alone should secure Osborne a few sympathy votes out of pity.

          1. 30.1.1.1.1

            I had forgotten about that! Laughed when I saw it last night but only replayed the video tonight long enough to find Osborne doing a reasonably competent job nailing.

            I am too tired now, but I am now trying to recall whether this TV3 News video is also the one showing Osborne acting as a photographer for Key, taking photos of Key with admiring sychophants ….. rather than being the centre of attention as the Nat candidate.

            I actually feel a miniscule bit sorry for Osborne. He seems to be way out of his depth; but at the end of the day, he must take personal responsibility for making some bad life choices – eg. joining National and running as a Nat candidate.

            I also laughed when I saw the Key nailing video put up as a caption competition – this had not crossed my mind when I posted it on Open Mike earlier today.

            Yesterday I also found – and then lost – a wonderful photoshopped version of this photo of Steven Joyce ‘helping’ put up Osborne billboards on Saturday (retweeted by none other than Patrick Gower)

            https://twitter.com/stevenljoyce/status/573686427516465153
            ( The comments in this thread are well worth reading …)

            The photoshopped version,which I would love to refind but haven’t been able to,replaced the photo of Key with a photo of he who cannot be named but whose initials are M S.

              1. 30.1.1.1.1.1.1

                @Sans Cle

                Funny! All these five hoarding dudes seem to have lost some of their hair! I had thought till now that these rich nincompoops had only lost their head, heart and soul!

              2. 30.1.1.1.1.1.2

                YES! Thanks so much for finding it. Also love Clemgeopin’s one below.

                As they are rather lost here, I have taken the liberty of reposting all of these links on open Mike today plus a link to one or two more.

  31. 31

    Wimp without guts can’t even accomplish what kids at kindy can do.

    Can’t wait to see him get thrown on his arse from the recoil when [r0b: slightly over the top] in Iraq.

    1. 32.1

      Don’t Brash walking the Slippery plank the week he was stabbed in the back by Key.
      Now Keys support is planking.
      Can’t hold a hammer because to much ,……..g
      Karmas a bitch a bridge to far.
      Simple simon says.
      Trying to claw his way back up North.
      After decades of neglect by National
      Key misses the point that after Sabin National is unfashionable.

  34. 34

    John Key or John Keys Office shows how to miss hitting the nail on the head.He says it was his intention all along. John Armstrong agrees, ‘He’s not a professional, he’s an hammer chewer.”

  35. 35

    Building is low skill.
    Builders made poor life choices.
    ‘I’ve spent years & years DIY building stuff around my various properties.’
    Bent as a nail.

  43. 43

    Tut, tut John, you were asked to screw it, not waste your time, effort and bribes trying to hammer a hopeless plank up !

  45. 45

    When I watched Bob The Builder do this he made it look so easy!
    How hard can this be!?!

    Ouchhhhh Ma Fucking ********** basttttt fucking, jesus h,,,, arghhhhhhhh…..call a private ambulance now!

  46. 46

    No Commander in Chief…the election is over….

    We are here to take the placard down….

    CEO: If I wanna hammer i shall, fook you!

  47. 47

    Hey, I knew when we all did some DIY Cosmetic Surgery on Paula, that hammering would come in handy in other ways!

  50. 50

    So, if Labour say I didn’t hit the nail, that’s just more proof of their dirty politics, ackshully. And when I said I’d resign if I couldn’t hit a large nail with a bloody big hammer, I didn’t mean this specific nail and and what’s a hammer really anyway?

    Look, what New Zullenders want to know is what would Andrew Little do different? Um, yes, I know he used to be head of the Engineers union, so he’d probably use a drill, which is typical of the left, always wasting taxpayers money by using the right tool for the job when a perfectly good hammer could do it for half the cost. Ha ha, missed again, wait, wait, I’ll get it this time. Osborne, stop shaking and hold that screw straight. No, I did not say screw, and if Hager says I did, he’ll be proved wrong again. Whoops, sorry Mark, that didn’t hurt did it?

  52. 52

    Right if Labour aint gonna placard in Northland , I shall help put up some Labour placards…

  53. 53

    Phew, that was hard work!

    Is that the last of the Social Housing stock for Keys DIY Demolition?

  56. 56

    Easter time approaches….Keys decides to bring back Public Crucifixion for non National Voters….and in PR shot shows off his Crucifixion Nail Hitting Skills

  58. 58

    PM takes the orginal and does it his way…..”Iffffffffffff I had a nail sub machine gunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn , I would …..”

  59. 59

    Quoth the Craven politician
    (edited highlights, plagiarised from Poe. )

    Once upon a by-election dreary, while I pondered my vote, weak and weary,
    Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten promised law—
    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
    As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
    “’Tis some pork-barreller,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
    Only this and nothing more.”

    […]
    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
    Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
    But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
    And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “About Sabin – you knew before??”
    This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Before!”—
    Merely this and nothing more.

    […]

    Much I marvelled this ungainly foulness to hear discourse plainly,
    Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
    For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
    Would have made him candidate, had they known before —
    Neither bird or beast upon the land would have asked the voters him adore,
    For fear the voters claim “Nevermore.”

  60. 60

    PM…? I really think you need to wear yr specs,,,,,That is not a nine iron and the placard isn’t Mr Obama”

  61. 61

    Adapted from the song “You’ve better Knock, knock, knock on wood”.

    I don’t want to lose here,
    This seat, to Winston P
    ‘Cause if I do, I will surely
    Surely lose my majority!

    ‘Cause winning , is better
    than any love I know
    It’s like thunder, lightning
    The power I crave is frightening
    You better knock, knock,
    on wood, baby, oooh ooh oooh oooh ooh, baby

    Read more: Amii Stewart – Knock On Wood Lyrics | MetroLyrics

  64. 64

    At last,,,that should keep her from going on and on and on……I have finaly put Mrs Keys shelves,,,right hammer time,,,last one to the pub…….is Pete George

  65. 65

    PM (LORD KEYS)
    “You are My war-club, My weapon of war; And with you I shatter nations, And with you I destroy kingdoms.

    aww Thanks for the hammer guys.

  66. 66

    PM, denies rebuilding of Christchurch is way behind schedule and under funded and pitches in himself…

  76. 76

    “I know noticed my nails got bent but what worries me more is that the people of this country have started getting ready to hammer their final nail”

  77. 77

    Key was to hammered to nail it.
    Key should be investigated by OSH
    Drunk in the workplace.
    Wearing his beer goggles .

  81. 81

    My hands are too soft for manual labour….
    Years of currency speculation mean I can’t lift a finger….

  83. 83

    “Look, help me here. I can’t honestly recall. Which one is the hammer and which one is the nail?”

  84. 84

    Key is ten times better than the famous illusionist Uri Geller; he can bent and straighten a nail without even touching it but by just using sheer willpower and incessant chanting in a strange accent only known to the Old Druids from Middle Earth. What’s more is that he looks so relaxed and comfortable casting this mind-bending spell on the hapless viewer. I certainly had difficulty regaining my consciousness watching this clip ad infinitum but then again, I regularly pass out when watching Key.

  86. 86

    John Key demonstrating some of the products for sale at his latest ‘asset sales convention’. The ‘asset sales convention’ is an event, for the rich, held annually by john Key on behalf of the National party. The aim of the convention is to sell the assets of New Zealanders. All of the big assets have been sold at prior conventions. Things like hammers, shoes, canned food, and kitchen utensils are still up for sale. The convention is in its seventh year of running.

  91. 91

    Where have the Key supporters gone? Makes one wonder… No pay for taking the mickey of their prime joker?

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